So Far Behind

It has been over three weeks since I have posted last. Not counting the last two re-posts. Our last calf born needed some Colostrum to get started, but it is nursing now and is doing well. All the surviving calves are running, jumping and playing. It is good to see them active and fun to watch. Two more to come starting in mid July. Praying for no more problems this year.

I have really been struggling with my depression and low energy most of that time. Two weeks ago the shooting in South Carolina at a church was kind of mind blowing. I can’t understand how someone of any age or race could sit for an hour in a Bible study and listen about God’s word and then get up and shoot several people from that same group. And after welcoming him, with open arms into their group. And hearing that the survivors and family members forgave him. I don’t know if I could have been as forgiving as they were. I am a born again Christian, but I struggle with forgiveness sometimes. It is a lesson we all should learn to do.

And then last week we had a funeral to go to on Thursday, a visitation on Friday evening and then the funeral on Saturday. Somewhere in that week I found myself thinking of my first husband. I don’t think of him very much, but now and then I tried to say a prayer for him. Prayers to find his way to God and the saving power of Jesus. My ex is my son and daughter’s father. On Friday during the day my daughter had called crying and said that he was in the hospital. Now he has never had much to do with the kids before or after our divorce. He paid child support once then just dropped off the radar. At least where I was concerned. So needless to say I didn’t think too much of it.

My children have a half sister who along with her mother are friends on my FB page. I had a message from my step-daughter’s (I still call her that) mother that my ex had to have emergency surgery for a hernia and they found signs of TB, a spot on his lung and I think on his liver. The prognosis was not good. He was on a breathing machine and was not expected to live. Since he has no current spouse the duty of drawing up a Do Not Resuscitate order should things go awry fell to the three children. He had no living will or Power of Attorney. He did not have any money and was living off Social Security and maybe medicaid. He was living with a niece from his side of the family. It was disturbing for me to think of these three adult children having to make a decision to possibly end his life since he has had nothing to do with them for over twenty years. I think maybe they have seen him a time or two over the years, but not too much as far as I know.

They did spend the night at the hospital and all three signed their consent to have the DNR brought up and waited. Their dad passed away early Saturday morning around 5:10am. Our granddaughter was there also with her mom and I was told that she was the one keeping everyone kind of sane. A good thing to know. Although I am not sure she should have been there all that time. She is only eleven, but it sounds like she was a Godsend. I did say a prayer for Daryl and I really hope he had a chance to turn to Jesus for entrance into heaven. I also shed a few tears for my children and step-daughter that they had to make such a difficult decision. Since there wasn’t any insurance to bury him, a crowd funding was set up and with many prayers and the thoughts and caring of family and strangers to my ex, the money was raised and my son said most of the bill will be paid. So my heart is a little lighter for mankind and I have the house cleaned up and ready for company for the Fourth of July.

Many prayers and thoughts for everyone in the blogging world and the rest of the world. May we all come to our knees and see the world as it was meant to be. Full of love and kindness for each other and all of God’s creation.

And to do what is right in God’s eyes. Stay Safe and God Bless!

7 responses to “So Far Behind

  1. Your post, though sad, is also filled with tenderness, concern and empathy for all. Thank you for being you.

    We never know when God will call us home, or in what manner he may do so. I hurt for that young man, and to all who lost their loved ones. Satan was sitting in that Bible study and had been working his vileness in the weeks and months before that dreadful day.

    We cannot change the world through hate or intolerance. It is so important that we look beyond ourselves and observe and draw out the best in others. God gave us compassion, grace and filled us with hope. We must not slid the slippery slope into the abyss simply because we ‘can’t be bothered’. He took the time to prepare our path to salvation, we must honor His gift by breaking down the walls of hatred. Every. Single. Day.

    I’m happy to see you again!💝

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What an emotional time you and your loved ones have been / going through, my heart goes out to anyone suffering loss, kindness and a helping hand makes hard times a little easier to bear, take care & it’s great to have you back in the blogging community ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you. I have missed being on. I just didn’t have the energy to get back. It is good to be back and I hope to keep up for awhile. I am in an up swing now. Hopefully it will last quite awhile. Have a lovely weekend. 🙂


  4. So sorry for the things that have happened. I am sorry for Daryl, for the wrong choices he made in life. They obviously left him with severe consequences. I hope that you will be encouraged that in this world we have tribulation, but take heart, Jesus has overcome the world! We have a hope and a future. We have forgiveness and mercy, and the greatest love that has been shown toward mankind. We have a friend, a physician, and a great protector, and nothing can separate us from His great love. May His Holy Spirit bring you comfort and peace in all your struggles. Focus on these great things that you possess as a child of God Leave the things you lost to Him.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. We can all use them. I am feeling better. Just praying I can stave off the depression a lot longer. I will be getting together tomorrow with my mother, son, daughter and granddaughter for lunch and maybe a trip to the park or zoo. That is always a trial to do as we never seem to get along with all of us. We are and always have been a dis- functional family. And my mother always has to have the last word and control.
    Have a great day today. 🙂


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